smells linger

Born at the wrong time, maybe wrong place as well,
Sights and sounds of today seem so foreign,
Remember seeing everything with fresh wondering eyes,
But those have become everyday, the smells linger,
Still strong, still elicit an uncertain response.
Smells at once medicinal, jarringly sweet at others,
Flowery old lady smells, fill the offices, the schools,
Teachers and secretaries, receptionists and lavatories,
Soaps and perfumes, cleaners and fragrances,
Assaulting your nose as you enter their domain.
This strange new world that I stumbled into,
With their own language and customs,
Nothing like where I was born and raised,
Half a world away, amongst the rice fields,
Hot tropical sun burning the sky,
Dirt or muddied roads leading to town,
Kids playing in buffalo dung,
The only smells were of livestock,
Grandma’s cooking and the natural world.
Sometimes my food assaults, heavy with garlic,
Drenched in fish sauce and peppers,
An indistinct Asian-y smell that also repels,
but not as much as their cheeses or sauces,
their cured meats and casserole dishes.
Perhaps its just what you know,
What you’re raised around and with,
That determines your likes and dislikes,
But so much today I am surrounded by their smells,
Some of which I’ve come to accept,
But others remind me that we’re not the same,
Remind me that I am only visiting, for a time,
But I cannot return to my home, its not there,
Swept up by time and forced ahead,
Some better, some worse, just different.
I cling to one or the other, neither will have me,
A product of both, I came as a harbinger,
Hated for a time at home, they knew I was the future,
I was the physical proof that things would change,
Their way of life forever gone, right before their eyes.
And here, still so compartmentalized, a place for everything,
So where did I belong, I belonged to none of them,
A whole new something that happened along,
On the tail end and on the cusp, another new dawn,
Everything forever changing, nothing ever stays the same.
The smells assault me still, take me back to yesterday,
An express route to my memories, of times past,
Scared little boy sitting in the school office,
Trying to make sense of the new world around him,
Chanel No. 5 or the smell of bleach,
Take me back to those uncertain yesterdays.