she's big in bangkok

What’s it been, like twenty years now?
Remember when I asked you out and you said no?
I thought you meant “No, never.”
Didn’t realize you meant “No, not today.”
Maybe I was a little impulsive back then,
Ended up asking your friend out instead.
I’m sure I would’ve mucked it all up somehow
Even if we had managed to sort it all out.
I was never all that happy with myself,
Surely, I would have pushed you away as well.
I don’t think of you all that often,
Perhaps I’m just jealous of your success.
Seventeen years ago, I made the same mistake,
Could not wait around or bother using the phone.
Went ahead and made promises to someone else,
Never intending to follow through.
I just needed a crutch.
Did not want to use you in that way,
But that was the end of whatever that was.
There was nothing really there,
I’ve said so many times,
But you invade my dreams from time to time,
Leaving me filled with regret.
I wish you would just leave me alone.