10/22

I see Z through the glass from ceiling to floor,
At the entrance of the hospital,
Where he was born 15 years before,
Probably wondering where the heck we’re at,
All the while wearing grandpa’s size-too-big hat.
Mom and I make him volunteer,
Just once a week every Monday,
To give back to the place that saved his life,
All the time spent on the unit day and night,
First neo-natal and later the pediatric floor.
He hops into grandma’s purple minivan,
Filled to the ceiling with camping gear,
Maps and paper plates and who knows what,
Just as his legs clear I close the door shut,
And he crams into the back with the rest of us.
Little E welcomes him with a devilish grin,
As Nancy starts right in and starts ribbing him,
But that’s what siblings do and they do it well,
They fill the space with laughter and jokes,
Making me so happy and filling me with hope.

adrenaline

Smarmy smiles and knowing glances,
Self-satisfied looks high above the ashes,
So you think you know just everything you need,
Bubble burst in a nanosecond and sends you searching,
Blank-eyed and surprised as the assault begins.
Slow and measured come the lies from ashen lips,
Trying to find a reason trying to remember why,
Please please someone dial nine-one-one,
Go ahead go ahead like I really care,
Elbow to the head knee to the ribs one swift kick.
Out of control slipping to the other side,
Adrenaline coursing through calcified veins,
Scrapper Dan barely holding me back,
As I walk him back and forth between the yellow lines,
Two hundred pounds and some change barely enough.
My rage comes from a place that you have never been,
Push and push and see what you get,
Bloodied and broken and filled with regret,
I won’t feel a thing until the next day,
After the anger and the adrenaline has faded away.

odds and ends

We were all in such a big hurry to grow up,
So impatient about becoming adults,
Wanted to start living our lives doing who knows what,
On to bigger and better things or so we thought,
At the half-way point of my life I long for those yesterdays.
The optimism of youth long since gone,
Plodding down my life’s path so lost,
I dreamt of chasing rainbows and finding a pot of gold,
But the closer I got the further I had to go,
Realize now that they were illusions from the very first.
So let’s go back to square one and begin from the start,
What is it I really want/what do I really need,
Realize that I expected everything to take care of itself,
Expected the fairy tale/wanted a life that was made for TV,
Nothing is set in stone/that’s the price we pay for wanting to be free.


I’m a little bit fat and a little bit old,
So many things in life out of my control.

Don’t want to sit on the sidelines anymore,
That’s the main reason that I’m back on board.

Just this one little something for me to do,
Enjoy myself before this life is through.

Living my life doing what I should,
Riding on seven-plies of maple wood.

Looking forward to the long sleep of death,
Gotta live life to the hilt/before I breathe my last breath

XC

Wading into a sea of humanity,
I scan the grounds looking for my daughter,
Awash with multi-colored awnings and bibs,
Cross-county teams from thirty schools,
Like medieval foot soldiers they stand,
Awaiting the sound of the gun,
Staring and waiting to begin their run.
They have assembled on this field,
On the edge of these woods,
To do battle with themselves,
Between the football stadium and the forest,
To test their mettle and skill,
To dig deep and find what they will.
Cool autumn day north of the capitol,
Banners hung at the start and finish,
Gun goes pop and the racers are off,
Mad rush to the top of the hill,
Then they disappear into the trees,
We make our way to various vantage points,
I find a spot about half-way through,
By a cornfield next to the new high school.
They come zipping by in ones and twos,
A pack of three followed by the rest,
Breathing hard and concentrated on the task,
We cheer and yell as they run past,
Cheering for one or all as fits our mood,
Then we head back toward the finish,
To watch these valiant souls push the limits.
They run back through the woods and down the hill,
Straight onto the track and around for half a lap,
Cheered on by the crowd gathered in the bleachers,
Toward the finish line next to the huge digital clock,
Then into the chute adorned with flags and pennants,
The course bludgeoned and beaten by their feet,
By the end of the season’s last cross-country meet.

mock-up tshirt for marching band

Z-man is section leader for the mellophones this year (and only a sophomore!) so he was responsible for getting their t-shirt and all that jazz, which meant I got stuck doing the design--here's the mock-up:

hey cuz

Who are you?
You claim to be my bro,
But what do you really know?
You and I have traveled down different paths,
For whatever reason,
And now I’m standing here wondering,
Weighing and deciding what to do.
I don’t know you anymore and that’s the truth,
What we do, what we think, who we are,
So different from who we were back in ’92.
No good or bad in this,
Just the way it has turned out,
Even though you share blood with mine,
Nothing to salvage at this point.
All the smack you talk all the time,
Was almost endearing when you were twelve,
Now pushing thirty just seems pathetic,
Who you still trying to convince?
You’ve heard this and you’ve heard that,
Still can’t think for yourself,
Never gonna grow beyond your father’s shadow,
Never gonna let go of momma’s apron strings.
So you heard that B_ told A_ this and that,
Have you ever concerned why,
Was she trying to help her or help you,
Are you really that blinded by your pride?
It was good to see you again,
But don’t expect me to come around,
After all that had been said,
After I saw the company that you still keep,
Doing the things that kept you away from your kids,
Got yourself locked away trying to play gangsta,
So you go on doing whatever you need to do.
So B_ represents something else to you,
You do pretty good covering the other half,
Littered and broken down,
Floundering between reality and illusion,
Just like the all the rest,
So choose your poison,
Choose your context.
I hold on to a sliver of hope,
Despite what you showed me,
Despite my darkest fears,
Just can’t stand to see another generation wasted,
Alcohol, drugs, and whatever else,
So much promise in everyone’s face,
In that faded picture you had on the fridge.
Where are they all at now?
A couple in prison,
A couple on their way there,
The rest on probation,
You call that representin’?
What would your father say,
If he were still alive,
Or your sister for that part,
But that’s right,
You pay little attention,
To anything outside your little box,
So throw it all away,
Living just for today,
Forgetting about whatever else,
Family, blood, children,
Left to fend for themselves.