down again

Been really down lately,
maybe for good reason,
gotta say that some days,
it seems like its just not worth it,
why do i bother trying for folks,
who lie to me and despise me,
for whatever reason,
and the reasons are many.
I'm not particularly good,
not evil either, maybe in-between,
leaving me as insubstantial either way,
so why should anyone really care,
what happens to me?
But i can't think of me,
i have a family,
two sons and a daughter,
who rely upon me,
to do what i ought to,
but sometimes getting up is a struggle.
I'm not suicidal,
don't be misled by what I've said,
but sometimes,
i just wonder,
what the fuss is all about.
This life that we all live,
what is it that we must give,
to satiate ourselves,
and any others,
that we hold dear.
And the lies they tell,
about romance and love,
given to us from above,
damn them all to hell,
these notions we must dispel.
I love, but at my own detriment,
loving and having destroy,
can't say that I don't like it,
but there again is the paradox,
love and life we cannot live without,
but whens all said and done,
i am alone, shrouded in doubt.