leave it

Leave it on the field, leave it on the track,
Cheesy sayings from my days as a young athlete,
Never meant much to me,
Just some stupid crap the coaches always said.
But now today, I leave it on the page,
I write down the blood and guts,
Spill my sorrows and regrets,
For all to see, but then walk away.
I let it go, no longer strangles me,
Painful and pathetically funny,
But here it is, as real as can be,
For at least this moment, at least in my mind.
Just like that, with simple strokes of the keys,
I write it down and I move on,
I document the me that is, that was,
For an older me to read and understand.
See the patterns, understand the mental traps,
Set for myself, by myself, patterns repeating,
Time trudges on, me spinning in circles,
Hoping for some kind of deliverance.
Deliver me from my self,
Oh supreme being in which I do not believe,
Break me of my bonds, self-wrought,
Tied down by loathing and fear.
Fear of living, fear of failing,
Fear of being found out as counterfeit,
By what, by whom, it is never known,
But here I am, chasing my self again.
I will leave it on the page, giving my all,
Nothing left to carry on, empty at last,
Leave it and let it grow, let it rot,
Either way, just need to get it out.