in the dark hours

Wish I could clear my history, delete my files, start all over with a clean slate. Some of the things I’ve done, I’m not too proud of, but life can be like that I suppose. In the dark hours, under the influence, I’ve seen glimpses of myself that makes me shudder. I’m far from perfect, far from evil, just a man like anyone else. We all have the capability of good or bad within us, we’ve seen what we can do when given free reign. We have been great and horrible, sometimes at the same time, forging empires while destroying entire societies. It’s easy to point a finger, hindsight is always clearest, but we have stumbled and fallen and we have risen to the occasion time after time. We all share in the blame and in the credit for all we have done to ourselves and to this
planet. I sometimes like to think that I’m different, but everyone is cut from the same cloth, molded out of the same clay. My indifference and apathy damages me as much as anyone else, but I failed to acknowledge this fact. In my dark hours, my mind has maimed and mutilated all that was sacred to that very same ego that thought it was in control. I try to destroy the self, while sheltering it from all invaders. This self, this mind that I call my own, controls and directs me toward goals counter to what I know to be correct. It craves and wants with no limits and it tortures me with false hopes and desires. The wanting is the danger, the true evil. The enemy is within, never content with life as it is, with what is right in front of me. The life that is here
never proves to be satisfactory, the mind is never satiated. That drive has helped us make great technological advances, but it hungers for more. How much is too much? At what point do our wants and needs overtake those of the planet? Will we know how to stop, when to stop?