wake up call

Need to sing a new song, always singing the same old tired tune.
Always the same old story with this one--nothing new, nothing different.
I’m gonna sing a new song. How long must I sing this song?
Change is difficult, but change is the only constant in our ever-changing lives.
I just keep spinning in circles, unable to break free of my habitual behavior.
Vicious, samsaric circles. Spinning me right round, baby.
I kicked most of my addictions years ago, but I’m still playing the same games
as before.
I need a quick fix, some revelation or insight to keep me going.
Day-to-day I drag my sorry butt, going through the motions, looking for some kind of charge.
What new wonderful thing am I dealing with? What great new theory did I read?
What great challenge is there to overcome? Why must I always have some conflict?
It’s always something, someone, some such thing to make me feel alive.
I have to break free. From my self. From the monkey-mind.
Swinging from tree to tree, flinging poo or whatever it is that monkeys do.
Mired in the deepest of delusions, trudging over the same old ground.
Who am I writing to? Of what use is this?
Other blogs are informational, some are inspirational, some document an
individual’s every waking thought, their every waking moment.
Mine only documents snippets, snapshots, rough sketches—
But it does so with a never changing air of regret and blame,
Of wasted chances and missed opportunities.
Resignation and doubt reign supreme, but the most bothersome is the insistence
that my children be different, that they somehow redeem me through their actions.
I couldn’t redeem my father, or his father before him—
Why should I insist that they do for me? They have their own lives to live.
Choices and mistakes to make. Why do I need to be redeemed at all?
Why do I feel the need to be saved and transformed by another?
Miizii dip, Hua-Ki, please wake up!