legions

A legion of acquaintances,
But few close friends,
The way it’s always been,
Since the dawn of memory,
Since the birth of consciousness.
Outside looking in,
Wanting to be a part of something,
Something greater than the individual,
But too different,
Too singular in some ways.
Even now struggling,
Still looking in,
Even in my own house,
Outside all alone,
Just looking for a way home.
Created my own,
At least tried to,
Still trying,
Mixed results,
Maybe expectations are to blame.
I gave space,
Independence to the extreme,
Where I had none,
Struggling even with that,
Set them free and left alone.
Tricks of the mind tricks of the ego,
Do I push everyone away,
You said you don’t show affection,
Yes you do,
Just not to me . . .