under leaden skies

Conspiring silently under leaden skies,
They lined up along the sidewalk,
Waiting for the bus to take us to school,
Last stop along the route,
Take whatever seat was left.
Stare silently ahead,
Don’t make no noise,
Don’t look no one in the eye,
Lest they take offense,
And target you next.
Some days it didn’t matter,
Sitting by myself silent and still,
Get smacked upside the head,
Just because, no real reason,
Different and alone was plenty enough.
Sick and tired of everyone’s shit,
Mocked and belittled day-by-day,
So I spit in R.D.’s face,
Dropped my books ready to fight,
Despite the difference in size and height.
Quickly had me in a headlock,
Punching me in the face,
Unable to use my arms,
Legs kicking uselessly behind me.
My head was throbbing afterward,
Blackened eyes and swollen face,
Dad showed no compassion,
Told me to kick ass or get ass kicked,
Losing a fight and crying like some wuss,
Would result in more pain at his hands.
So I went after R.D. in the schoolyard,
Knocked him over a bench,
Wrestled to the ground,
Rage upon rage, anger beyond control.
Marched off to the office by teachers,
In front of our schoolmates,
But too angry to care,
untriumphant in victory,
thought it would fix everything,
but still mired in my own fury.
Given the choice of detention
Or swift retribution via paddle,
Chose the latter, so dad wouldn’t know,
Nothing they had could hurt me,
Like the scorn of my own father.
More fights were to follow,
Each one stupider than the last,
Bullied became bully,
Inflicting pain for no reason,
Other than the illusion of control,
Until I realized what I had become,
Everything that I hated and despised,
Just another conspirator under leaden skies.