april time. . .

Drowning my sorrows in pints of lager,
What passes as sorrow is nothing but regret,
The day’s half gone and I’ve done nothing yet,
I blame it on the crowd, blame it on the season,
But I blame to hide, hide from the real reasons.
What have I done, what have I become,
So many dreams, washed up and undone,
The observer observing so critically,
All the places I wanted to go, to see,
All the things I wanted to do, to be.
Fault lies not with those without,
Fault lies with me alone, looking for what,
I know not, keep getting forever stuck,
Easier to observe and blame instead of change,
So much easier to pretend, keep on playing these games.
I have never been, never was, not even a has-been,
Never tried, never believed, never going there again,
Anger and doubt shrouding my thoughts,
But I never lashed out, kept it to myself,
At the very least, I never hurt anyone else.
Angry young and alone, is no way to live,
But live we must, unless we decide otherwise,
Mourn the passing of the inner child that has died,
Begin life anew with open eyes rooted in reality,
Childhood dreams and false beliefs finally set free.

How can someone, anyone, a solitary shooter,
Take so many lives, expressionless lone killer,
Shook the nation's foundations, rocked the very pillars,
Lives destroyed, shattered, never to be the same,
Everyone scrambling, trying to share the blame.
Who knew what, what could have been done,
Questions about the police, debates about guns,
Solitary loner, ruminating in his own anger,
Growing everyday, metastasizing like a cancer,
How many felt the same, but chose a different route?
At some point we choose, to live or to die,
To embrace this life or not even try,
Truthfully, many sit on the fence, somewhere in-between,
I’ve had dark days, don’t want to repeat what I have seen,
But I have always chosen to live, or at least to try.
What makes someone give up, to strike, to destroy,
To choose to live half-awake, devoid of any joy,
Then to end it all, the only something we know for sure,
And take the lives of innocents, what is that for,
What reasons can there be, that make any real sense?
I cannot say, but all this time, wasted on the fence,
Cannot go on into countless tomorrows, not for another day,
Strengthen my resolve, follow the middle way,
Acknowledge my part in all of this, and the same for the rest,
This great gift of life, deserves nothing but our best.

Death stalks us all, and eventually wins,
But until that day, I am going all in,
The little things, the simple things mean so much,
Tired of hearing about killers and thieves and such,
No one gets recognized for doing what they should.
No awards for doing your job every day,
Being there for your kids, showing them the right way,
Doing what should be done, for the sake of loved ones,
Living everyday for my daughter and my sons,
For that there is no recognition, no ticker-tape parade.
We've been sold a bill of goods, sacred vs. the profane,
But the truth of it is, that the holy is found in the mundane,
Simple and plain, no other way to say it,
Star-struck news addicts, suckling on delusion's tit,
Missing the point of life, the point of creation.
My heart goes out to the victims and families,
Their worlds torn asunder, too surreal to be reality,
At the hands of a mad man, yet of one us,
Obsessed with false idols, dreams reduced to dust,
So stuck on what he had not, destroyed the self,
Unable to accept what is, was, blaming everyone else.
So many more lurk out of sight, potential time bombs ticking,
Perhaps a symptom of a diseased society, result too sickening,
How can one person, hate so much, show no remorse,
Lack of impulse control, life completely off-course,
Disengaged and disenchanted, afloat in a sea of confusion,
Seeking to destroy and lash out, will we find a solution?
Destruction is simple, critique is easy, weapons of apathy,
Creation and nuturing, furnace of life, creates empathy,
The real work, the hard work, beyond self and the material,
the love of community, of family, of faith and the spiritual,
Look within, see without, one and the same, look around,
Healing must start, all of us struggle, just like that college town.
Affirmations must be made, to live and to love,
For the sake of everyone beyond and above,
the future generations to come, those that follow,
So their lives will have meaning, will not be hollow,
So no one else will die a senseless death,
that we will all live to the fullest until our last breath.