the old school

Keep dreaming about the past,
But shrouded in some ways,
I’m back in the old school,
Haunted by phantoms of people I knew,
But haven’t seen in over twenty years.
Started out cleaning up,
My old bedroom over on Blackmoor,
Found a letter from MB,
Said she was divorced,
Living in the area still,
Didn’t want to see her just the same.
Then walked through the school,
Didn’t recognize anyone there,
Barely recognized the building,
But I knew it was there somewhere,
Underneath all the new paint,
Underneath years of living,
Still in that same place.
Saw E standing in a classroom,
Waiting for me with Nan and Z,
So happy, the smile across his face,
I picked him up and walked away,
Don’t remember what I was looking for,
But not that important to me anymore.
Need to learn to let go,
No good in visiting the past,
What is there to gain,
Nothing but dredging up pain,
Let go of the present as well,
Bound and tied by my expectations,
Sentencing myself to a living hell.
So much time spent on things,
Things that I cannot control,
Worrying about who does what,
What can I do, but check myself,
So why do I worry about so much,
So much that is out of my hands.
Chasing after all that glitters,
But so much ends up hollow,
Meaningless nothings glittering,
Always on the horizon,
Just within sight, within reach,
But fades like a mirage,
Upon closer inspection.
Looking elsewhere for my happiness,
Never looking here and now,
Never looking within,
Always and forever,
Falling for the same lie,
When will I awaken,
When will this end?