fragments II

can't hardly breathe, air crushing my lungs,
nerves shot to hell, no escape no hope,
every passing glance an accusation,
no refuge from prying eyes,
hide myself amongst the trash and garbage,
the moldy stench of surrender,
the butt of all the inside jokes,
waking up in a cold sweat,
all the lies laid out before my eyes,
delusion and treason woven into every pore,
who to believe, who to trust,
silently screaming on the inside,
phone ringing off the hook,
operators barking orders to my left,

entropy the only truth, only death is real,
all else lies and fabrications,
drunken stupor just to quiet my mind,
only to wake up and live through it all again,
body betrays me all the time,
facial tics and a slip of the tongue,
stomach cramps and a jittery leg,
sweat oozing from every orifice,
burning from the inside out,
the children look at me with wondering eyes,
I look away and remain silent,
Not wanting to fill their heads with more lies,
See my failure written on their faces,
As I stand dying right before their eyes.