bad day

i tried i tried i tried,
thats all i can say,
i tried to reach you,
in so many ways,
unanswered, unopened.,
unwilling to do whatever.
maybe i expected too much,
wanted too much from life,
expected too much from this self,
but nothing is left,
nowhere to go,
nowhere to turn.
i'm just a coward,
cowering in the corner,
fetal position where i lay,
nothing more to say,
nothing left to do,
stay and fight the good fight.
its all over for me,
i failed myself,
failed everyone else,
nothing to show for any of it,
what was it for,
what the hell was it for?
i can't talk shit anymore,
can't wish away what is,
it is what it is,
which isn't a fucking thing,
so i leave you with nothing,
because thats all i have to give.
what did i expect,
what did i really want,
just wanted to be happy,
free of whatever tied me down,
just wanted to give the binojiins a chance,
but what was the fucking point?
life begets life,
nothing more,
nothing less,
just life speaking through me,
despite my hatred,
my desire for death..
i leave you with nothing,
some adolescent prose,
some random sounds,
blurry pictures of me trying to live,
believe in nothing,
trust no one.
this life is what you make it,
this lie is what you get,
my children--
the only ones i ever loved,
i give you regret,
i give you hatred.
hate me and everything that i am,
be unlike me,
or be damned,
i'm so sorry,
you deserve everything,
every everything.
i am nothing,
a big blankness,
in your wonderful midst,
a blackhole sucking away life,
so i go from whence i came.,
back into the void.