along for the ride

Didn’t mean to sound so bitter,
I didn’t mean it that way,
It really doesn’t matter to me,
Just stating what I felt that day.
So much is out of my hands,
I’m just along for the ride,
Just frustrated and depressed,
Trying so hard to just hide.
Don’t want to deal with this,
What is it that scares me so,
What is the worst possible case,
Honestly, I just don’t know.
We have to count on someone else,
To act in a way that we approve,
But what if they do for themselves,
And leave us empty-handed?
It’s not even me I’m worried about,
This is about our little boy,
Who is about to become a man,
He’s scared and empty of joy.
I know and he knows it must be,
But what if those others decide otherwise,
And decide to do whatever else,
And fill with pain, our child’s eyes?
That fault would be ours to share,
We would shoulder that blame,
For not properly preparing him,
For sullying his good name.
Is he ready, is he prepared,
How can anyone even claim to be,
I just want this to go well,
This isn’t about you or me.
Some will have traveled far,
A thousand miles or more,
To share this day with our son,
Along Superior’s southern shore.
I carry so much baggage with me,
That is the problem, I can’t let go,
Worrying about everything and more,
Fear of what, I really do not know.
Checks are gonna bounce,
Gonna run out of gas,
Perhaps, but then again,
Maybe this too shall pass.
Checks bounce all the time,
Gas and such and whatever,
But how many times will this happen,
Will I continue to be this way forever?
How often does a child this young,
Older in years due to experience,
Become a member of the Medicine Lodge,
And called to it--not acting out of obedience.
I must silence the turmoil within,
Before it clouds my mind with fear,
And be strong for my son and family,
Quiet my own demons, keep my mind clear.
So yes, things will go as they will,
But I will stay positive and do what I can,
Have strength, faith, and hope,
And watch my son become a man.