Lisa

Started sometime in the winter,
Think she had someone tell me,
Typical high school stuff,
So-and-so thinks you’re cute,
No, really, she likes you.
What’s to like, what did she know,
Walks past my locker everyday,
Just after sixth hour right after lunch,
I was full of other people's food, full of myself,
Laughing and joking all the while.
She was a year older than me,
Part of the New Wave set,
Hair all teased standing right up,
Encrusted with hair spray,
Mixed with the smell of leather.
Cigarettes and perfume as well,
Devotees of the big hair groups,
Duran Duran, U2, the Alarm and more,
And they were all Anglophiles,
Wishing for something better.
New Romantics all dolled-up,
Me spiked-hair and military jackets,
Motorcycle or combat boots,
Liked the distortion of the hardcore,
With all the yelling and the screaming.
Hers was a world of stuff,
House/cars/clothes bought with dad’s money,
Minted and made at the GM plant,
Big-brother Billy so avant-garde,
Ankle high boots and mall-bought threads.
No better or worse, we all were just searching,
Too embarrassed, never had her pick me up,
Always walked the mile to her house,
Putzed around while she got dressed,
Mom yelling up the stairs every few minutes.
Short-lived romance not that big of a deal,
Mom shouldn’t have worried bout me at all,
Just a kid wearing his dad’s USMC jacket,
Grabbed a kiss and a boob when I could.
Remember the very first time,
Sitting in front of my house,
Breathing in her smell and my excitement,
Even had to ask if I could have a kiss,
Electricity ran through my veins.
She dumped my moody brooding ass,
Gave me something to pout about,
Walked around feeling like shit,
Face clenched like a fist,
She had beaten me to the punch.
Played around and got hurt,
Just thank God it didn’t go all the way,
Giving it up to a chump like me,
Would’ve ended marrying her,
The first and last girl right out of the gate.
Heady stupid dreams of youth,
Can’t lie and say I miss it,
Haven’t thought twice about her,
Until just now twenty-some years later,
But did bring a smile to my face.
Most of it just makes me laugh,
I reminded her of some song,
Quiet and slow at the start,
Building to a loud startling climax,
I blamed the sexual tension.
I moved on and out,
Bigger and better suburbs yet,
Small world but never ran into her,
Hung out with her best friend's friends,
Playing the same game as before.
How could I let anyone inside,
When I couldn't even trust myself,
Here I am still trying to figure that out,
Twenty-two years and two dozen women,
Fist full of memories and a ton of regrets.