adrienne

not sure why this memory came bubbling up
so many years ago so many lifetimes past
walking towards the shed just off the track
cleaning up before we were done and gone
a flock of green from the lower school
don't even remember who the hell was there
but thats when i first met you
we were all just kids back then
bouncing on the high jump mats
surprised none of us cracked our heads
chatted for a minute realized how young
i was just a boy back then
didn't really even have a clue
thought to myself that i would wait for you
had not much of anything going on
but fate had it otherwise and it never was
even though there were other chances
even though i knew your siblings
then i saw you again that late spring day
asked you if you remembered me
you said yes with a knowing smile
and i collapsed in on myself again
left it right there and walked away
probably nothing important anyway
but maybe you were the one after all
we always wish and wonder
searching for that special someone
to take us above and beyond
to make us forget ourselves
to leave our sordid pasts behind
maybe you were the one
or maybe just one of many
but now we'll never know
maybe you had the answers
i've been searching for all these years
why do you come out of the blue
just to torture me with your memory
why do i keep doing this to myself
the partners we choose seem to fill a void
until one day we're faced with the same choice
until we realize they are only flesh and bone
and the answers multiply anew
i realize that what i'm searching for
might never really exist
and that it's no one's fault but mine
falling into this same old trap all the time
could you have cured me of my failings
could all of this have been avoided
just the pipe dreams of an old man
nevermind, what the hell was i thinking
i have a real life right here
that i'm trying so desperately to forget
i can't even spell anymore it's getting so bad
here i sit longing for that which shall never be. . .