push/pull

push pull push pull
back and forth
what is it I want
wish i knew.
leave me alone
dont leave me
so all alone
loneliness killing me.
fix me put me together again
leave me be
dont need no friends
but then but then.
love me hate me
walk away just go away
nothing left inside
nothing to see here
just keep moving.
emptiness inside outside
all around nothing
void blackness death
but i know thats not true.
breath in breath out
i hear your breath
feel your heartbeat
but somehow out of reach.
i didnt mean those things i said
didnt mean to push you away
never meant to infect
everyone else with my dread.
didnt mean for anything
those things that i did
did because of my misery
seeped out somehow.
breathe focus on the breath
dont let my demons overtake
break and undo everything
demons inside of me.
mother father what did you do
you gave me life
but nothing else
but a longing for death.
living dead walking dead
humans but only partly so
showed me nothing
gave me no hope.
just want to live
a semi-normal life
just want to breath
just want to smile.
i am dead to you
you are dead to me
lets call it even
lets not call ever again.
mother father half way around the world
even when you were here
so far away so far from alive
how do you call that life.