why blog?

This question comes up from time-to-time.
Why do I blog at all? And why do I continue to blog?
My most recent blog is about nine months old and has received something like 65 hits, so it isn’t for the fame and fortune.
I started my first blog in November of 2005, right after having a major meltdown with one of my co-workers. I was having problems at work and one evening, had all I could take—I assailed the co-worker with a tirade of obscenities before storming out and jumping into my car.
I realized then that I needed some way to release some of these pent-up emotions. The first version of the blog was named miizii-dip and served as a conduit for negative emotions which had been simmering for some time.
As time passed, the blog became a means of remembering and recording old memories—first for my self, then for my children. In the never-ending quest to pay bills, it was easy to forget all those things that had taken place over the years. I have a pretty good memory about some things—maybe because of the crazy nature of my childhood. I wanted to consider where I had been, to remind my self of who I was. Eventually, I wanted to share those stories with my children as well. They might still be too young to appreciate any of this—just ramblings of their crazy old dad, but maybe it might give them a glimpse of who I was, if only for that moment in time.
As this little project has continued, I realized that I enjoy the creative process. I enjoy making something out of nothing and being able to share it, even if the audience is extremely small. Even if the two people that read this blog tire of it, I think I would continue. It has opened something up in me that has been shut down for a very long time.
I was skimming channels the other night and caught the end of Criminal Minds—the voiceover quoted Erich Fromme, which I’ll paraphrase:
“You have to make the decision to either create or destroy. You have to decide whether you will love or hate.”
I read Fromme when I was younger and thought it was a bit simplistic—everything seemed so dualistic, either/or. I have to recant my earlier statements on the matter—this seemingly simple statement held a lot of meaning for me suddenly. What am I doing with my life? Am I creating or destroying? Do I love or hate?
For most of my history, I have been overly-destructive, mostly with my “self”. Overly critically of things and people that I did not understand. I spent an inordinate amount of time hating or despising things or events which are outside my realm of influence.
This is just a simple little blog, an exercise in writing meditation . . . but my life has changed considerably since I began it. Instead of reacting to forces in my life, reacting to events, I can at least consider the causes and attempt to make positive changes to my own life. I have become an active participant in my daily dramas. This blog and the Old Man Army website has opened me up to my life and the lives of others… the creative process also connects me to life in a way that I had not imagined.
These are small baby steps—I am not sure where this will lead . . . but it is leading me toward life and not away from it as I had been going before. So blog on I will . . . for it brings me happiness, forces me to connect, forces me to think and consider . . .