hazy yester-daze

I dulled the pain and hid my shame,
Turned my back on society and the game,
Life was a joke which I refused to engage,
Suppressed my anger and my rage.
Spent my days in a drunken haze,
Only to be awoken by her beautiful face,
I succumbed to her promises and lies,
I reconnected and formed new ties.
Ties that bind and suffocate,
Leading to blame and unfettered hate,
You will blame me, she once said to me,
But I didn’t believe, refused to see.
You aren’t completely to blame,
I share the burden just the same,
I chose to believe and I chose to love,
But sometimes love alone is not enough.
I strayed many many times,
But I repented for my crimes,
Always went back for the children,
They always seemed to pull me back in.
Romantic love means nothing to me,
A lie dreamt up by our society,
The love of my children is the only truth,
Still so hard to remain under the same roof.
Why did she bother with me from the start,
Just to crush my soul and break my heart,
They say to let sleeping dogs lie,
How did she ever convince me to try.
I’m longing for my hazy yesterdays,
Hiding from the sun’s blinding rays,
Locked into my own private hell,
Sleeping wherever I fell.
Cleaned up and came back to life,
For my love, for my wife,
Only to be left alone,
Even though we still share a home.
Might as well be living somewhere else,
Would make life easier living by myself,
But why should I be the one to leave,
What would me leaving really achieve.
Now it is much too late,
Can’t go back now that I’m awake,
My children are counting on me,
Need me to remain chemical-free.
Just wish she would step up to the plate,
No need for any further debate,
I don’t care if she does right by me,
As long as she gives them whatever they need.