one-sided conversation

5/20/2006

O.k. dude, I know everyone has let you down in your life.
Your pops let you down; your mom let you down.
Grams would leave you at home by yourself, no food, no nothing.
The uncles were messed up beyond belief, drunkenness and stupidity
being a bad mix, but you survived all that. You made it out.
We’re both survivors, man, that’s got to count for something, right?
So what kind of mess have you gotten yourself into? There’s gotta be a way out.
What do you need to do to get it straight—what hoops do you need to jump through?
Just do what you gotta do, man, for your sake,
for your kid’s sake.
I don’t know what happened when you were growing up, dude,
I was too young to remember all that stuff. I can barely
remember what happened in my own life, you know?
Our parents were dealing with their own issues back then.
It was a different world back then.
That whole generation--fresh from the war,
doing time in the state or federal system,
dealing with alcoholism, racism,
whatever was going on then.
They lived through the whole civil rights movement,
they were finally allowed to be Indian,
for the first time in their lives.
The whole pan-Indian movement swept across
the continent at that time.
They paved the way for us, and unfortunately,
they had to go through a lot of stuff just be able to say,
with pride, “I’m Indian.” It’s a heck of a lot easier for us,
but we still had to live through mom/dad and everyone else detoxing,
figuring out what the heck they were doing.
They took all kinds of crap out on you and me,
but that was what we did back in those days, you know?
It’s easy for me to sit here and tell you things will work out,
I didn’t go through what you went through.
But we gotta work it out for the next generation,
man. This isn’t about you or me, it’s about the kids—
and their kids, s@#%, seven generations, dude.
We gotta get it straight for all of them.
We gotta succeed despite all the crap that we been through,
show our kids a better way.
I haven’t always made the right choices,
haven’t always done the right thing either.
Dealt with my own substance abuse issues,
lost days and weeks to a drunken stupor,
but that’s done and over with.
Black Elk went through all kinds of crazy stuff,
but he made it out—he became a great spiritual leader,
despite all that stuff.
Maybe because of all that stuff.
He saw both sides—the good and the bad—
he saw the evil and stupidity that we’re all capable of.
He chose the good though, didn’t he? The “Red Road”.
We gotta start somewhere.
We can make something better for those that come after us.
Don’t give in to the stereotypes, the alcohol, whatever.
Don’t let those haters be right about you.
If we end up drunk and useless or in prison or dead,
then they win. I don’t want them to be right about us.
I want to prove them wrong.
I’m not the most compassionate person in the world,
and I don’t know all what you went through,
but don’t let that be the reason they win.
Don’t let that be the reason you gave up.
We’ll take care of what we need to take care of—
then move on. This is what it’s all about, now.
WE decide, WE make the changes.
It’s all about self-determination.
This is how we get out of poverty, alcoholism,
all that jazz. We have to succeed. You can do this—
there’s so many people counting on you to fail—
you HAVE to do this.