summer rains

the summer rains never came,
the river lay languid beside the trail,
dried up and discarded,
like the rotting deer off in the woods,
antlers pointing heavenward,
as the hide slowly falls away,
a little bit more each and every day,
felled by the hand of fate,
after dodging arrows and bullets,
trains, trucks and cars,
only to collapse in cool solitude,
I stop on the bridge to stare at the river,
reduced to a stream under the wood slats,
trash piles at the bend off to my left,
old tires, a chair, part of a mattress,
the detritus of a university town,
as runners and bikers pound past,
the bridge echoing their footfalls to the treetops,
and I roll away in relative silence,
everyone plugging away the world with their Ipods,
just a nod or a glance my way but not a word,
as I roll under railroad trestles,
then finally squeeze beneath the highway,
twenty-five foot concrete pylons holding traffic aloft,
semis and commuters rushing by without a second look,
I ride past the sewage treatment plant,
the smell of rotting something fills the air,
as a fisherman pulls a sickly red salmon to shore,
the water a little bit deeper thanks to the plant,
water bubbling out of an underwater pipe,
just as I catch up with the women’s basketball team,
all wearing matching tops and bottoms,
some towering over me as I slip past,
the six-foot-nine center looks bigger in person,
her sculpted legs glistening with sweat,
the picture of physical perfection,
in an otherwise barren landscape.

daylight savings

Daylight savings time again,
Used to be in April time they’d add another hour,
Changing it up just to confuse us,
Often wonder what difference it even makes,
Still not used to early mornings after all,
It’s only been five years or whatever,
But I wake up all the time at every hour,
Won’t make a difference until this summer,
When the sunset lags behind past my bedtime,
Like a visitor too reluctant to leave,
Not wanting to miss a single moment,
But nothing is really worth staying,
Just sticky confusion stretching into nowhere,
Days growing longer as the night shortens,
But they grow more boisterous as it warms,
Nervous system tries to squeeze out the toxins,
Sweating away trace amounts of regret,
Voices clamor and battle into the night,
Mechanical carnage waits on every corner,
Shattered glass and gasoline stream,
Shards of plastic cladding ripped and torn,
Unnatural blue lights illuminate the scene,
Early morning about 4 a.m,
All is calm on the weary city streets,
Street sweepers and cop cars circle,
Like buzzards searching for carrion,
And the days drag on into the autumn,
When they wind it all back again,
And make us repeat the previous hour,
As if that would fix everything and make it right,
Fighting back the long cold winter nights.

cold water rushing

Cold water rushing spinning spitting
I hear it dripping in dark corners
Covering up the tiles and the piles
Clothes and blankets water logged
Impeding the flow to the sump pump
Which gurgles and gasps and spits
Drain clogged by unknown unseen sludge
Cold clean water seeps through the pipes
Hear it drip and splash and flush
Through concrete walls falling on tiles
Somewhere in the dark wet earth
Before it pours into the pit
Before it seeps into the basement
Covering old toys and books
Extension cords and shoes
The cycle of wet and dry
Begins to rot the fibers
Blown into the air by the fan
Sick again sick again
World spins away in a deluge
Drenched and soaking choking
Powerless before nature’s might
Huddled in blankets through the cold dark night
Let me sleep let me sleep
Wake me when it is all fixed
Wake me when it is all done
Water-borne damage just too much
Where to even start where to begin
Just feel like giving up
Fighting to stay afloat
One more day one more chance
Somehow something might just turn out

song fragments II

Waiting on the moon, to wax and to wane,
Spinning me around, driving me insane,
Peeling off my skin, try to get away,
Let it pass let go, every single day,
Makes me want and need, like an animal,
Needing too much, so irrational,
Early morning gloom, thinking about you,
Living dangerously, the things that you do,
Tension starts to build, need your sweet relief,
Got me on my knees, need to set me free,
Mind spins and staggers, anticipation,
Hard to catch my breath, emancipation,
Just wanting to talk, talk leads to touching,
Body takes over, we end up clutching,
Eternal moments, free from every care,
Silent exchanges, in darkness we share

Got nothing to say,
On a cold gray day,
Used up all my shout outs,
Trying to stay afloat,
Broker than broke,
Doing the best I can,
Always looking for something,
Feels like less than nothing,
But it never comes along,
Keep missing my chance,
Forgot all my plans,
Like I had any anyways,
Wishing I had done this or that,
Always something that I lack,
Certainly convinced myself,
Just need to know it’s alright,
Gonna be OK despite,
All the ways I’ve tried otherwise,
Let’s just roll the dice,
Wouldn’t it be nice,
If things worked out for a change,
Or maybe if I were satisfied,
Feel like my life was justified,
Stop dreaming and start living again

frost forming

Frost forming on my mask,
Each time I breathe out,
Frost forming on my mask,
Absolutely no doubt,
Frost forming on my mask,
Winter chill in the air,
Waiting for snow to hit the ground,
It’s flipn cold out here,
I’m just trying to get to work,
Gonna be dodging snowflakes,
It’s freezing outside,
Squeeze those brakes, squeeze the brakes,
Don’t want no car/bike crash,
Too much drama in the morning,
Sick of the daily grind,
Depression hits without warning,
Quickly running out of time,
No end in sight,
Day after day,
Waiting for the light,
It’s gone away,
Frost forming on my mask,
Each time I breathe in,
Frost forming on my mask,
Waiting for the end,
Frost forming on my mask,
So I can begin again.

missed the whole point

I’m keeping time with bad company,
I myself and me, I myself and me,
Throw my fortune to the four winds,
Dying for my own sins,
Trying to find a reason why,
But reason plays seek and hide,
Seek and destroy my own soul,
Nothing left but an empty hole,
The time was never right,
Was never even within sight,
The time was always wrong,
Just like in that one love song,
Keep telling myself that I don’t care,
But this is more than I can bear,
I’m keeping time with bad company,
Wishing for the fates to set me free,
It’s just that the time was wrong,
Should have known all along,
Star-crossed and confused,
Ego battered and bruised,
What’d I want, what’d I expect,
What little blame will I accept?
I missed the boat, missed my chance,
Too busy trying to get into your pants,
Missed the whole point of living,
Might look back and not be so forgiving

duck and dodge

All I can do is sit back and laugh,
Duck and dodge and wait for the aftermath,
Everyone just doing the bare minimum,
Has been that way since the last millennium,
Not that I’m keeping count, not that I care,
Just wonder why they bought the software,
Miss B won’t life a finger, Miss M about to go off on medical,
High seniority rules, union mired in something technical,
So they earned the right to do nothing,
Money for nothing ain’t that something,
Hired off the street with no qualifications,
While mentally on permanent vacation,
They’ve earned the right to do very little,
Getting soft and round in the back and middle,
Wasting time eight hours a day,
Aint’ that the American way,
Looking forward to trips to Disney,
Mindless thrills for the brainless, Miss B,
Miss M having an anxiety attack,
I wonder why she even came back,
Wasting time telling people what’s what,
Doing no work and anything but,
Couldn’t get a job anywhere else,
Only concerned about themselves,
Nothing an issue unless it affects them,
Makes me wonder where they’ve been,
Lost in a haze on the employer’s dime,
Wasting away the days and wasting time

trying to hide

Curled up, curled away, curled up next to you,
Trying to get inside, trying to hide,
Drown out everything outside,
Shut out the light, shut out the noise,
Bury myself inside, only sound is your voice,
Freeze the clock, freeze this place, in my mind,
So I can recall and come back all of the time,
Whenever I’m in need, whenever I need to be freed,
Trapped within my own shell, living in my own hell,
Silent moments, never ending moments, just let go,
Forever’s a really long time, sometimes I just don’t know,
Seeking ever bigger moments, seeking ever bigger thrills,
My mind’s shot to hell, I never get my fill,
The needing never seems to end, no end in sight,
Needing you always, day and night,
The rush of blood, legs go weak, soul aching,
Sweat pours and body starts shaking,
Trying not to ask too much, need you again,
You gotta promise not to stop when I say when

some people

Some people so stupid they don’t know their own name,
Some people so stupid they act like they got no brain,
Nothing matters cept for what’s in their face,
I look at them and think what a waste,
Their world is just what they see,
There’s more to life than what they put on TV,
Nothing’s ever a problem til it affects you,
Perfect little lives outside of the loop,
Mommy and daddy still wiping your butt,
I look at them and think what the f@#$,
Must be so nice having life figured out,
Living a life free from doubt,
One day some day you’re gonna be by yourself,
Just like the rest of us, with no one else,
In your dark night of the soul,
What will you do, where will you go,
In your world everything is black or white,
Either/or, this or that, always right, always right,
I just hope I’m not around when you realize you’re wrong,
Don’t need to gloat, don’t wanna see you sing another song,
Broken down with no place to go, just another rolling stone,
When you got nothing, nothing to lose, all alone,

where were you?

Where were you years ago,
As I grew up lonely,
Confused and frustrated,
Lost in the city and suburbs,
Skimming along hoping for better days,
Found myself in your eyes,
What-if thinking just tantalizes,
But what if then instead of now,
Would things be different,
Or somehow worked out just the same,
Destroyed by my indifference,
My feigned apathy,
The weight of that place,
Bearing down on our souls,
Or would we have figured out a way,
Two strangers in the wilderness,
Helping each other through the morass,
Modern living cut off from the real,
Just need a taste of something real,
Need to feel alive even for a few moments,
Before my days come to an end.