digging and digging, scratching and scratching,
getting nowhere, going in circles throughout the night,
finally give up and roll over on my side,
hours later I wake up shivering, throat on fire,
the alarm clock mocking me from the dresser,
I latch onto sleep, hoping for rest and meaning,
lost in my mind, minutes drag by slow as lifetimes,
eyes open again, alarm clock’s red glow omnipresent,
all sense out the window, mired in the moment,
jungle vines and tree roots reaching for me,
had always thought that the mind was simple,
making sense out of the complicated external,
but I feel and see that the opposite is true,
the natural world simple and plain,
mad rush of thought and feeling,
dragging us back into the primordial ooze,
how did we ever make it out,
how did we ever conquer ourselves enough,
to build and create despite our worse selves,
that unknown and unexplored territory,
pushing us pulling us every which way,
usurping and destroying out of sight,
at odds with the everyday rational mind,
our shadow selves hold the real power,
decides what we do and who we are,
and so many of us so out of touch,
blind to our own desires and justifications,
scratching an itch that won’t go away,
digging and digging ourselves deeper and deeper,
in ever widening circles every day every night,
wasting away lifetimes minute by minute.
4.23.2010
somuchdrama
walter&freda yelln at each other last week, now they got an investigation goin on,
don't know who started all that but everyone heard freda being a beotch,
telling Walter to stop doing something, then told him "its none of your bidness"
when he axed why, then yelln telln him that he "was out of place" out of line or something,
right in front of the newbies, for everyone to hear, so i don't think they'll get their insubordination,
think they're super might get bit in the end, stirring the pot over nothing,
then jules starts cryn in the middle of all that when she saw walter took her Birthday off,
after all he's got the seniority but that only counts when its in her favor,
went blubbering on about turning 40 and blah blah blah after and over the top,
axed her bout what just happended, thought someone died or something,
axed her bout the incident, wadjya hear, wadjya see, boy that was kwazy,
but she kept talkn bout walter, talkn bout her birthday spent by herself,
just her and her dogs, like a cat lady with canines, like that was more important,
can't take the time to worry bout somebody else gettn suspended or fired or whatever,
then suddenly Freda’s gone for a week without warning, just like that outta the blue,
and walter sits there playn on his Iphone, trying to log into something or other,
15 warrants waiting in the queque, all way past two hours, just killing time,
just handing the ammo over to the fella on the left or right, big target on his back,
but everything always stays the same, no need to quicken the pace,
need to do like leta and ‘little B’ lookin busy for all to see,
don't know who started all that but everyone heard freda being a beotch,
telling Walter to stop doing something, then told him "its none of your bidness"
when he axed why, then yelln telln him that he "was out of place" out of line or something,
right in front of the newbies, for everyone to hear, so i don't think they'll get their insubordination,
think they're super might get bit in the end, stirring the pot over nothing,
then jules starts cryn in the middle of all that when she saw walter took her Birthday off,
after all he's got the seniority but that only counts when its in her favor,
went blubbering on about turning 40 and blah blah blah after and over the top,
axed her bout what just happended, thought someone died or something,
axed her bout the incident, wadjya hear, wadjya see, boy that was kwazy,
but she kept talkn bout walter, talkn bout her birthday spent by herself,
just her and her dogs, like a cat lady with canines, like that was more important,
can't take the time to worry bout somebody else gettn suspended or fired or whatever,
then suddenly Freda’s gone for a week without warning, just like that outta the blue,
and walter sits there playn on his Iphone, trying to log into something or other,
15 warrants waiting in the queque, all way past two hours, just killing time,
just handing the ammo over to the fella on the left or right, big target on his back,
but everything always stays the same, no need to quicken the pace,
need to do like leta and ‘little B’ lookin busy for all to see,
4.13.2010
tripping down memory lane
Tripping down memory lane,
Thumbing through an old musty yearbook,
Almost twenty five years old,
Suddenly wanting to remember,
Suddenly interested because of some goofy dream,
Sitting and talking to a ghost from my past,
Needed to know what she wanted me to see,
The old feelings come roaring back,
Remembering things long since suppressed,
Reminded of my mercurial self,
So full of promise with endless tomorrows,
Somehow walked away from everything,
Burnt those bridges so long ago,
Missed so many chances just out of spite,
Angry and bitter at imagined slights.
Memories frozen in time,
Just a snapshot out of the blue,
I remember the faces and the places,
The ancient hallways of my youth,
Bustling with angst-ridden teens,
Searching for their place and meaning,
The old hurts and wrongs come rushing back,
School boy crushes and long buried feelings,
Long days of wishing I were somewhere else,
Just killing time until I could fly free,
Dreaming of all the things beyond our little school,
But now I find myself wishing I had stayed,
Wishing I had lived a little bit more,
Wishing I had done something else,
Wasting away the present with regret.
Thumbing through an old musty yearbook,
Almost twenty five years old,
Suddenly wanting to remember,
Suddenly interested because of some goofy dream,
Sitting and talking to a ghost from my past,
Needed to know what she wanted me to see,
The old feelings come roaring back,
Remembering things long since suppressed,
Reminded of my mercurial self,
So full of promise with endless tomorrows,
Somehow walked away from everything,
Burnt those bridges so long ago,
Missed so many chances just out of spite,
Angry and bitter at imagined slights.
Memories frozen in time,
Just a snapshot out of the blue,
I remember the faces and the places,
The ancient hallways of my youth,
Bustling with angst-ridden teens,
Searching for their place and meaning,
The old hurts and wrongs come rushing back,
School boy crushes and long buried feelings,
Long days of wishing I were somewhere else,
Just killing time until I could fly free,
Dreaming of all the things beyond our little school,
But now I find myself wishing I had stayed,
Wishing I had lived a little bit more,
Wishing I had done something else,
Wasting away the present with regret.
summer rains
the summer rains never came,
the river lay languid beside the trail,
dried up and discarded,
like the rotting deer off in the woods,
antlers pointing heavenward,
as the hide slowly falls away,
a little bit more each and every day,
felled by the hand of fate,
after dodging arrows and bullets,
trains, trucks and cars,
only to collapse in cool solitude,
I stop on the bridge to stare at the river,
reduced to a stream under the wood slats,
trash piles at the bend off to my left,
old tires, a chair, part of a mattress,
the detritus of a university town,
as runners and bikers pound past,
the bridge echoing their footfalls to the treetops,
and I roll away in relative silence,
everyone plugging away the world with their Ipods,
just a nod or a glance my way but not a word,
as I roll under railroad trestles,
then finally squeeze beneath the highway,
twenty-five foot concrete pylons holding traffic aloft,
semis and commuters rushing by without a second look,
I ride past the sewage treatment plant,
the smell of rotting something fills the air,
as a fisherman pulls a sickly red salmon to shore,
the water a little bit deeper thanks to the plant,
water bubbling out of an underwater pipe,
just as I catch up with the women’s basketball team,
all wearing matching tops and bottoms,
some towering over me as I slip past,
the six-foot-nine center looks bigger in person,
her sculpted legs glistening with sweat,
the picture of physical perfection,
in an otherwise barren landscape.
the river lay languid beside the trail,
dried up and discarded,
like the rotting deer off in the woods,
antlers pointing heavenward,
as the hide slowly falls away,
a little bit more each and every day,
felled by the hand of fate,
after dodging arrows and bullets,
trains, trucks and cars,
only to collapse in cool solitude,
I stop on the bridge to stare at the river,
reduced to a stream under the wood slats,
trash piles at the bend off to my left,
old tires, a chair, part of a mattress,
the detritus of a university town,
as runners and bikers pound past,
the bridge echoing their footfalls to the treetops,
and I roll away in relative silence,
everyone plugging away the world with their Ipods,
just a nod or a glance my way but not a word,
as I roll under railroad trestles,
then finally squeeze beneath the highway,
twenty-five foot concrete pylons holding traffic aloft,
semis and commuters rushing by without a second look,
I ride past the sewage treatment plant,
the smell of rotting something fills the air,
as a fisherman pulls a sickly red salmon to shore,
the water a little bit deeper thanks to the plant,
water bubbling out of an underwater pipe,
just as I catch up with the women’s basketball team,
all wearing matching tops and bottoms,
some towering over me as I slip past,
the six-foot-nine center looks bigger in person,
her sculpted legs glistening with sweat,
the picture of physical perfection,
in an otherwise barren landscape.
daylight savings
Daylight savings time again,
Used to be in April time they’d add another hour,
Changing it up just to confuse us,
Often wonder what difference it even makes,
Still not used to early mornings after all,
It’s only been five years or whatever,
But I wake up all the time at every hour,
Won’t make a difference until this summer,
When the sunset lags behind past my bedtime,
Like a visitor too reluctant to leave,
Not wanting to miss a single moment,
But nothing is really worth staying,
Just sticky confusion stretching into nowhere,
Days growing longer as the night shortens,
But they grow more boisterous as it warms,
Nervous system tries to squeeze out the toxins,
Sweating away trace amounts of regret,
Voices clamor and battle into the night,
Mechanical carnage waits on every corner,
Shattered glass and gasoline stream,
Shards of plastic cladding ripped and torn,
Unnatural blue lights illuminate the scene,
Early morning about 4 a.m,
All is calm on the weary city streets,
Street sweepers and cop cars circle,
Like buzzards searching for carrion,
And the days drag on into the autumn,
When they wind it all back again,
And make us repeat the previous hour,
As if that would fix everything and make it right,
Fighting back the long cold winter nights.
Used to be in April time they’d add another hour,
Changing it up just to confuse us,
Often wonder what difference it even makes,
Still not used to early mornings after all,
It’s only been five years or whatever,
But I wake up all the time at every hour,
Won’t make a difference until this summer,
When the sunset lags behind past my bedtime,
Like a visitor too reluctant to leave,
Not wanting to miss a single moment,
But nothing is really worth staying,
Just sticky confusion stretching into nowhere,
Days growing longer as the night shortens,
But they grow more boisterous as it warms,
Nervous system tries to squeeze out the toxins,
Sweating away trace amounts of regret,
Voices clamor and battle into the night,
Mechanical carnage waits on every corner,
Shattered glass and gasoline stream,
Shards of plastic cladding ripped and torn,
Unnatural blue lights illuminate the scene,
Early morning about 4 a.m,
All is calm on the weary city streets,
Street sweepers and cop cars circle,
Like buzzards searching for carrion,
And the days drag on into the autumn,
When they wind it all back again,
And make us repeat the previous hour,
As if that would fix everything and make it right,
Fighting back the long cold winter nights.
cold water rushing
Cold water rushing spinning spitting
I hear it dripping in dark corners
Covering up the tiles and the piles
Clothes and blankets water logged
Impeding the flow to the sump pump
Which gurgles and gasps and spits
Drain clogged by unknown unseen sludge
Cold clean water seeps through the pipes
Hear it drip and splash and flush
Through concrete walls falling on tiles
Somewhere in the dark wet earth
Before it pours into the pit
Before it seeps into the basement
Covering old toys and books
Extension cords and shoes
The cycle of wet and dry
Begins to rot the fibers
Blown into the air by the fan
Sick again sick again
World spins away in a deluge
Drenched and soaking choking
Powerless before nature’s might
Huddled in blankets through the cold dark night
Let me sleep let me sleep
Wake me when it is all fixed
Wake me when it is all done
Water-borne damage just too much
Where to even start where to begin
Just feel like giving up
Fighting to stay afloat
One more day one more chance
Somehow something might just turn out
I hear it dripping in dark corners
Covering up the tiles and the piles
Clothes and blankets water logged
Impeding the flow to the sump pump
Which gurgles and gasps and spits
Drain clogged by unknown unseen sludge
Cold clean water seeps through the pipes
Hear it drip and splash and flush
Through concrete walls falling on tiles
Somewhere in the dark wet earth
Before it pours into the pit
Before it seeps into the basement
Covering old toys and books
Extension cords and shoes
The cycle of wet and dry
Begins to rot the fibers
Blown into the air by the fan
Sick again sick again
World spins away in a deluge
Drenched and soaking choking
Powerless before nature’s might
Huddled in blankets through the cold dark night
Let me sleep let me sleep
Wake me when it is all fixed
Wake me when it is all done
Water-borne damage just too much
Where to even start where to begin
Just feel like giving up
Fighting to stay afloat
One more day one more chance
Somehow something might just turn out
song fragments II
Waiting on the moon, to wax and to wane,
Spinning me around, driving me insane,
Peeling off my skin, try to get away,
Let it pass let go, every single day,
Makes me want and need, like an animal,
Needing too much, so irrational,
Early morning gloom, thinking about you,
Living dangerously, the things that you do,
Tension starts to build, need your sweet relief,
Got me on my knees, need to set me free,
Mind spins and staggers, anticipation,
Hard to catch my breath, emancipation,
Just wanting to talk, talk leads to touching,
Body takes over, we end up clutching,
Eternal moments, free from every care,
Silent exchanges, in darkness we share
Got nothing to say,
On a cold gray day,
Used up all my shout outs,
Trying to stay afloat,
Broker than broke,
Doing the best I can,
Always looking for something,
Feels like less than nothing,
But it never comes along,
Keep missing my chance,
Forgot all my plans,
Like I had any anyways,
Wishing I had done this or that,
Always something that I lack,
Certainly convinced myself,
Just need to know it’s alright,
Gonna be OK despite,
All the ways I’ve tried otherwise,
Let’s just roll the dice,
Wouldn’t it be nice,
If things worked out for a change,
Or maybe if I were satisfied,
Feel like my life was justified,
Stop dreaming and start living again
Spinning me around, driving me insane,
Peeling off my skin, try to get away,
Let it pass let go, every single day,
Makes me want and need, like an animal,
Needing too much, so irrational,
Early morning gloom, thinking about you,
Living dangerously, the things that you do,
Tension starts to build, need your sweet relief,
Got me on my knees, need to set me free,
Mind spins and staggers, anticipation,
Hard to catch my breath, emancipation,
Just wanting to talk, talk leads to touching,
Body takes over, we end up clutching,
Eternal moments, free from every care,
Silent exchanges, in darkness we share
Got nothing to say,
On a cold gray day,
Used up all my shout outs,
Trying to stay afloat,
Broker than broke,
Doing the best I can,
Always looking for something,
Feels like less than nothing,
But it never comes along,
Keep missing my chance,
Forgot all my plans,
Like I had any anyways,
Wishing I had done this or that,
Always something that I lack,
Certainly convinced myself,
Just need to know it’s alright,
Gonna be OK despite,
All the ways I’ve tried otherwise,
Let’s just roll the dice,
Wouldn’t it be nice,
If things worked out for a change,
Or maybe if I were satisfied,
Feel like my life was justified,
Stop dreaming and start living again
frost forming
Frost forming on my mask,
Each time I breathe out,
Frost forming on my mask,
Absolutely no doubt,
Frost forming on my mask,
Winter chill in the air,
Waiting for snow to hit the ground,
It’s flipn cold out here,
I’m just trying to get to work,
Gonna be dodging snowflakes,
It’s freezing outside,
Squeeze those brakes, squeeze the brakes,
Don’t want no car/bike crash,
Too much drama in the morning,
Sick of the daily grind,
Depression hits without warning,
Quickly running out of time,
No end in sight,
Day after day,
Waiting for the light,
It’s gone away,
Frost forming on my mask,
Each time I breathe in,
Frost forming on my mask,
Waiting for the end,
Frost forming on my mask,
So I can begin again.
Each time I breathe out,
Frost forming on my mask,
Absolutely no doubt,
Frost forming on my mask,
Winter chill in the air,
Waiting for snow to hit the ground,
It’s flipn cold out here,
I’m just trying to get to work,
Gonna be dodging snowflakes,
It’s freezing outside,
Squeeze those brakes, squeeze the brakes,
Don’t want no car/bike crash,
Too much drama in the morning,
Sick of the daily grind,
Depression hits without warning,
Quickly running out of time,
No end in sight,
Day after day,
Waiting for the light,
It’s gone away,
Frost forming on my mask,
Each time I breathe in,
Frost forming on my mask,
Waiting for the end,
Frost forming on my mask,
So I can begin again.
missed the whole point
I’m keeping time with bad company,
I myself and me, I myself and me,
Throw my fortune to the four winds,
Dying for my own sins,
Trying to find a reason why,
But reason plays seek and hide,
Seek and destroy my own soul,
Nothing left but an empty hole,
The time was never right,
Was never even within sight,
The time was always wrong,
Just like in that one love song,
Keep telling myself that I don’t care,
But this is more than I can bear,
I’m keeping time with bad company,
Wishing for the fates to set me free,
It’s just that the time was wrong,
Should have known all along,
Star-crossed and confused,
Ego battered and bruised,
What’d I want, what’d I expect,
What little blame will I accept?
I missed the boat, missed my chance,
Too busy trying to get into your pants,
Missed the whole point of living,
Might look back and not be so forgiving
I myself and me, I myself and me,
Throw my fortune to the four winds,
Dying for my own sins,
Trying to find a reason why,
But reason plays seek and hide,
Seek and destroy my own soul,
Nothing left but an empty hole,
The time was never right,
Was never even within sight,
The time was always wrong,
Just like in that one love song,
Keep telling myself that I don’t care,
But this is more than I can bear,
I’m keeping time with bad company,
Wishing for the fates to set me free,
It’s just that the time was wrong,
Should have known all along,
Star-crossed and confused,
Ego battered and bruised,
What’d I want, what’d I expect,
What little blame will I accept?
I missed the boat, missed my chance,
Too busy trying to get into your pants,
Missed the whole point of living,
Might look back and not be so forgiving
duck and dodge
All I can do is sit back and laugh,
Duck and dodge and wait for the aftermath,
Everyone just doing the bare minimum,
Has been that way since the last millennium,
Not that I’m keeping count, not that I care,
Just wonder why they bought the software,
Miss B won’t life a finger, Miss M about to go off on medical,
High seniority rules, union mired in something technical,
So they earned the right to do nothing,
Money for nothing ain’t that something,
Hired off the street with no qualifications,
While mentally on permanent vacation,
They’ve earned the right to do very little,
Getting soft and round in the back and middle,
Wasting time eight hours a day,
Aint’ that the American way,
Looking forward to trips to Disney,
Mindless thrills for the brainless, Miss B,
Miss M having an anxiety attack,
I wonder why she even came back,
Wasting time telling people what’s what,
Doing no work and anything but,
Couldn’t get a job anywhere else,
Only concerned about themselves,
Nothing an issue unless it affects them,
Makes me wonder where they’ve been,
Lost in a haze on the employer’s dime,
Wasting away the days and wasting time
Duck and dodge and wait for the aftermath,
Everyone just doing the bare minimum,
Has been that way since the last millennium,
Not that I’m keeping count, not that I care,
Just wonder why they bought the software,
Miss B won’t life a finger, Miss M about to go off on medical,
High seniority rules, union mired in something technical,
So they earned the right to do nothing,
Money for nothing ain’t that something,
Hired off the street with no qualifications,
While mentally on permanent vacation,
They’ve earned the right to do very little,
Getting soft and round in the back and middle,
Wasting time eight hours a day,
Aint’ that the American way,
Looking forward to trips to Disney,
Mindless thrills for the brainless, Miss B,
Miss M having an anxiety attack,
I wonder why she even came back,
Wasting time telling people what’s what,
Doing no work and anything but,
Couldn’t get a job anywhere else,
Only concerned about themselves,
Nothing an issue unless it affects them,
Makes me wonder where they’ve been,
Lost in a haze on the employer’s dime,
Wasting away the days and wasting time
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
