stunted & blunted

stunted and blunted,
made the least of my opportunities,
stepped aside and stepped away,
left no trace of my existence,
an enigma to most,
but mostly to myself,
what is it i really wanted,
why am i still hiding away,
living yesterday's daydreams,
putting everything off until tomorrow,
watching the days slowly disappear,
killing time and waiting for death,
maybe i'm the one that wasn't meant to live,
outlasted my cousin somehow,
just two days my senior,
he took my name but i took his days,
now left wondering what to do,
grams in the kitchen mixing her potions,
managed to buy me some time,
the last thing i ever wanted,
never felt a part of anything,
always on the outside looking in,
what is it that i need,
what will it take to make me live,
to feel that i am worthy,
that i deserve to want and to have,
so my remaining days aren't wasted,
an ache gnawing at my insides,
knowing that it could have been different,
but always getting in my own way,
blunting reality and stunting my growth,
its time to move on time to heal,
time is so short but its all i have,
the magic never last,
it always fades,
slipping away like my finite days.