frozen walkabout

knew you were right about the time being wrong
not saying anything different one way or the other
just living with whatever it is as it is
but so hard to not stop and wonder
so i'll just shut up and keep going
can't feel my fingers face has gone numb
15 degrees not even considering windchill
needed to quiet everything else just a bit
had just me to myself for a couple of hours
skating my way homeward on city sidewalks
just wouldn't really work out any other way
whatever it is i'm carrying would grow tiresome
hating me like all the rest after awhile
punishing and blaming even though i know
the problem has always been internal
just leave it and don't think on it again
making mountains out of absolutely nothing
so go on and do what you've been
strength and vision never my strong suit
not sure what is but maybe its still something
clicking and sparking even after everything
so it goes maybe as it should
but if you change your mind let me know
but not going to push it either way
ride it out and see where it goes
either way i think we both know
even if i can't tell you so
even if i mentioned it in passing
out of reach but within sight
everything else ruined by my needing
so i'll pretend that i can walk away
although i want you to ask me to stay
our stars crossed from the very beginning
don't feel i deserve it any other way
karma coming back to bite me
not sure if this lifetime or the ones before
so i suck it up and do what i can
probably full of shit just the same
so let's leave it at that just for now
not going to ask you otherwise
but i would if i could
if i had been born under another sign
if i could stop destroying myself
just the way that it goes
at least this time around
two hours and seven miles
and still stuck in the same place
feet swollen thighs reddened
frozen walkabout from L-town
back to the same spot i started.