absolutely nothing

Summons delivered mid-afternoon,
Like a body slam, blow to the head,
Some guy hiding behind mirrored sunglasses,
Still didn’t look at me, did the deed and fled,
Whatever—just trying to pay his bills too.
Capitol One not wondering what’s in my wallet,
They want the whole damned thing,
But they need to queue up,
So much on my plate already,
So far behind sometimes makes me wonder.
Little red vee-dub about to fall apart,
Dumping oil all over the drive
Wheels barely on, rickety-rackety rack and pinion,
And the house itself up for sheriff’s sale,
Meanwhile a leak in the waterline soaks my basement.
And all the zhooniya ($) tied up elsewhere,
Money already spent two weeks in advance,
Credit destroyed and spilling into everything,
Kwe and everyone else got their own issues,
So I deal with mine 12 ounces at a time.

Showed up to the skatepark all alone,
Bunch of kids running around acting up,
Kid with the Mohawk bitching about gangbangers,
Usual crew huddled in the corner,
Pissed and upset about some visiting rednecks.
I roll down the bank and start hitting the walls,
Anger fused with alcohol fused with desperation,
Pads on my wrists and arms and knees,
Bald head glistening in the fading daylight,
Hitting everything hard and fast and with urgency.
The coping is still sitting there mocking me,
Two, three inches off from my kickturns,
Just above my carves, close enough to touch,
Came off the wall pretty shaky a few times,
Came so close to biting it and face planting.
Hit the vert wall high and fast,
Staring down at the coping off to my right,
Nearly did a manual from seven feet up,
Shifted my weight to the nose and crouched,
Somehow someway stayed on and rode it out.

All padded up and ready to fall,
Wanted to leave whatever it was on the wall,
Or in the corner or in the egg bowl,
That nameless something eating at my soul,
Just a stain on the concrete and my memory.
Mexi-Dave once said to me half-seriously,
That I had an old school soul-surfing vibe,
Not exactly positive about what he meant,
But I’ll take that little nugget as a compliment,
And keep carving and searching for that elusive something.
I keep searching and looking for what I don’t know,
At least I’m doing and not happy with just being,
Living my life stuck in my head,
Living my life vicariously through the TV,
Or lost somewhere in the interweb surfing.
Life comes and goes at its own pace,
Don’t get too bent out of shape,
Gotta figure out steps one thru three before,
Figuring out that step number four,
So it will go as it goes just take it slow.

The bowl continues to beckon me ever so seductively,
But I know and she knows that I’m not quite ready,
Watching the other shredders take her on,
Dropping in and hitting the deep end,
Only to lose all their momentum in the shallow.
I can wait until my pump gets better,
Don’t want to be just another flash in the pan,
Need to ride her right and do what I can,
Hit her high and keep my speed,
Making promises I intend to keep.
Meanwhile I’ll just admire her from afar,
Until the day I know I can do it right,
Not wasting her time or mine for now,
Playtime is over and only the serious need apply,
Otherwise she’ll eviscerate you so don’t even try.
Temperamental and moody but so beautiful,
She can break you in two or take your life,
Give respect and she’ll return it as well,
Built for speed and crazed by bloodlust,
One wrong turn and you’re reduced dust.

Walking through the door shirt drenched with sweat,
The four-year-old welcomes me with “Helloo da-dehh”,
To which I reply, “Helloo bay-behh” without pause,
Growing up in our home everyone does voices,
Imitating every commercial and movie they’ve seen.
Everyone’s excited because they got wings from the pub,
Every Monday we pick up twenty of their finest,
Double-dipped and cooked extra well,
Even the wife who doesn’t do chicken,
Except for the nasty steroid-injected white meat.
The wings were good as usual with hot sauce on the side,
They scope out my elbows and knees,
Searching for new wounds from Ranney,
And we pass around pints of Ben and Jerry’s,
While we all watch Hell’s Kitchen on t.v.
I gulp down a nice cool glass of biish (H2O),
Best damn thing I’ve had to drink in a long time,
A perfect ending to an otherwise kind of day,
Exhausted from carving and pumping,
Realize that all the rest amounts to absolutely nothing.