anticipation

Atop the rollercoaster just before the plunge,
On the lip of the quarterpipe just before you drop,
Waiting in the wings before you take the stage,
Walking down the hallway late again for class,
Toeing up to the starting line before the race,
All the same, the feeling still remains,
What am I waiting for, what churns my guts,
Butterflies feel like pterodactyls inside,
What’s the worse thing that could happen,
What is this fear, pumping through my veins,
Anticipation builds and feeds on itself,
Time and again, destroyed by false turmoil,
Nothing really there except what I’ve manufactured,
Round and round I go in ever-widening circles,
It’s all on the inside, nothing on the outside,
What’s left to save, what’s left that even matters,
Questions continue unabated, no easy answers,
Momentum builds, sweat pores from my armpits,
Fingers tingle and flesh becomes speckled,
Mind formations cloud my vision,
Breaths go shallow, and a trickle escapes,
Let it go, take that first step,
Cease the unknowing and find out,
Fail and correct, or hit the sweet spot,
Either/or, but at least it’s something concrete,
Fear of the what-ifs strangle and kill,
Just do, just go, just try, and just be,
Ego disappears, only the action remains,
Nothing left to ponder, nothing left to wonder,
No one to entertain pointless thoughts,
He’s streaking down the tracks,
Slamming board into the transition,
Strutting onto the stage,
Striding into the room,
Digging spikes into the asphalt.